


Serial Joking

by basil_s0up



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gallow's Humour, Gen, I swear, Serial Killers, dark humour, not as bad as it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 20:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14504535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basil_s0up/pseuds/basil_s0up
Summary: Pidge's mind tends to wander a bit after training, much to her teammates horror.





	Serial Joking

"You know", Pidge began from their place on the couch, "I expected to do a lot of different stuff when I got to space, but I never expected to become a serial killer."

Exhausted from another hard day of training, the other paladins could only sit and stare at her, a myriad of disturbed looks on their faces.

Lance was the first to find his voice.

"Pidge, what the fuck?"

"Language."

"Sorry Shiro. Pidge, what the quiznak? What do you mean you're a serial killer?"

"Think about it: serial killers are characterized by three things: the shared traits of their victims, the method of killing, and having killed more than once. With me so far?"

After a quick glance at the other, Lance muttered an affirmative.

"Right then so first, the victims: we always target galra. So victims with shared traits, check!"

"But the galra are our enemies, who else would we target...?"

Hunk looked concerned. Was there someone else he should be worried about? Did he miss something?

"Please hold all questions until the end of the presentation. Anyway", Pidge stood up on the couch, her eyes gleaming as she picked up steam.

"Second: we always take them out with either our bayards, which are always the same, or with our lions, which also only have so many weapons. So method, also check!"

Even Lance was starting to worry. Pidge was the smart one, wasn't she almost always right?

"And finally, multiple victims: need I go one?"

She grinned brightly at her teammates.

“We’re all serial killers!”

Hunk burst into tears, while Lance stared down at his hands, a horrified look on his face. Dios, his mother was going kill him.

Shiro let out a sigh. He could feel another headache starting behind his eyes as he surveyed his team. Hunk, weeping freely, Lance, rendered practically catatonic by Pidge's words. The demon herself was standing, hands on hips, enjoying the havoc she'd caused, while Keith...

"Keith?"

For once not responding to Shiro's voice, Keith was gripping his bayard so hard his knuckles turned white. He stared into space, as he quietly muttered under his breath. Something about honour, and repentance? For Pete's sake, this was way out of hand.

Clapping his hands together sharply, Shiro called out.

"Guys! GUYS! Calm down, okay? Pidge is just joking. Badly, but still joking."

He levelled his best drill sergeant look at the troublemaker, who simply shrugged, unrepentant.

"We're in a war here. Normal rules don't apply. What we have, or will do, to protect ourselves and the lives of all the innocent people tormented by the galra does not make us serial killers, okay?"

Hunk finally raised his head from where he'd been bawling into his hands.

"A-are, are you sure?", he asked with a sniffle.

"Yes, I'm sure. Besides, serial killers also have some deep, psychological motive for everything they do. Often from some kind of trauma. You don't have that."

Silence.

"Uh, Shiro?"

"Yes Lance?"

"Don't you have a deep, psychologically traumatizing reason for fighting the galra?"

"...goddammit Lance."

Pidge collapsed into whoops of laughter, Lance looking tempted to join in.

Hunk, heaved out a sigh, before glancing over at Keith.

"... Shiro a serial killer? Or am I? Are we both? Is it because I'm galra?..."

"Um, guys? I think you broke Keith."

"I think this is the most fun I've had after training, EVER!"

"PIDGE!"


End file.
